What He Doesn't Know
by SamPhantom95
Summary: Takano may be a hard-working, demanding and confident man at work. But what Onodera doesn't know, or anyone else around him, is that Takano is a very broken soul. Silently suffering and hurting. Taking it out on himself so no one would notice.


**What He Doesn't Know**

**Inspired by two things – a post I saw on **_**Tumblr**_**, and I wasn't feeling so cheerful today. For many reasons but one of them being that I was missing some friends I grew up with and I haven't seen them for 8 years.  
So I decided to write this little short story. I hope you do like it no matter no depressing it sounds. Enjoy! **

**Warning: mentions of self-harm and mature language.**

_**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Sekaiichi Hatsukoi. All rights belong to their respective owners.**_

**If you think this can have a sequel then let me know in the reviews. Although, I might anyway if inspiration kicks in…**

**Thank you!**

It's 3 am in the morning and Takano was lying on his bed, staring out the window where the bright moonlight was shining through the window of his bedroom.

His mind wouldn't let him rest, but his body was exhausted. His eyes sore from crying a few minutes ago and his heart twisting and clenching as the emotional pain was physically now showing.

He knew that during that 10-year-period, he had done some stupid things. So careless, so weak, so emotionally drained, so sick of everything.

Wishing he knew where Onodera was. Trying again and again to find him but no luck. Wanting to take back everything, feeling like shit for everything that has happened.

And now that he has found him with the luck of having him next door, he pushes him away. Blushing furiously while trying to get away from the taller man. He doesn't know now if he's just confused and doesn't know what he wants, or if he's afraid of loving again…or if he really doesn't want Takano in his life anymore.

Takano sniffed as fresh flowing tears come flowing down his pale cheeks as he thought that last thought.

To think, that after searching for years for the one you truly love, and when you finally do – he pushes you away. Squirming, struggling, yelling, and even slapping him.

Yes, Takano will never forget that. It may have been just a slap on the face, but to be slapped by the one he loves was far worse than any punch thrown by a stranger.

He misses him. Oh God, how he misses him.

He may be a door away from him, but that was not the point. The fact that Takano was thinking that Onodera will never love him again made him curl up as his heart grew heavier.

He wanted Onodera with him here – here in his arms lying in bed.

'Onodera…no matter how much I love you, you're still hurting me.' Takano thought.

Takano slid his long sleeves down as he gingerly grazed his fingertips over the scars on his wrists. Takano never thought he'd be the type to do so, but yes, in the past he had cut his wrists. Very rarely to almost never does he do it nowadays, but with his parents divorcing and fighting and then the misunderstanding with Onodera, he couldn't take the pain.

More tears fell. The pain never lessened. The memories and the regrets washing over his mind.

'Ritsu…' Takano repeated the name, as the image of Onodera came to mind, as if repeating his name would keep him here…

You know, it was actually a good thing that Yokozawa never found out about Takano's little cutting problem. Otherwise, he would've done a lot worse to Onodera than just yelling at him. He would never ask for Onodera to get hurt while he was still hurting. And even though he had forced himself on Onodera and tried to get him to say those three words – Takano had no control. He was at a tipping edge so he needed to straightforward with him.

And now that makes him a hypocrite.

_God dammit. _

'What is wrong with me?' Takano thought.

Takano got up from the bed and decided to take a shower. He needed to wash away the tears. The pain.

He turned on the shower as he undressed. Stepping into the shower as the icy cold water sprayed down his pale back. Takano couldn't even feel the cold water. He was already numb.

He slid down the wall of the shower, pulling his knees up to his chest as he wrapped his arms around himself, as the tears starting flowing again, mixing with the shower water.

Hoping and wishing that all the pain and all the heartbreak would wash away down the drain with the water that cascaded down on him.

'Onodera...no matter how much pain there is to take, it will not stop me from loving you.'

The scars on his wrists will heal over time, but who knows how long the wound on his heart will take to heal. Well, long enough until Onodera says he loves him…if that time ever comes.

'_Ritsu…suki desu.' _

The memory of cherry blossoms flowing in the air in the library he will not forget.

~ END ~

**Note: 'Suki desu' is I love you in Japanese, in case for those who didn't know.**


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